dating is harder for guys: Your Actuality Connected with Relationship Within Your thirties While Your Dude
The idea of one’s own guilt relieves him, because it poses a possible way out. It is not that he is at the mercy of another arbitrary but that he is the one who provokes the violence of the other and if he modifies his behavior he could stop being punished. That is, there is a foul and a penalty at stake.
Tomás has taken other paths: his thinking becomes incoherent, he cannot sustain the secondary process, nor can he take charge of his own motor skills. He does not deny, but makes important regressions, dismisses his own judgments and shows permanent fragility. Your body seems unresponsive and your thoughts are borrowed.
The mother consults for Ana, who is five years old. She comes alone because the father “doesn’t have time.” The mother says: “From baby it is very difficult to handle. It is hyperkinetic. At school (she goes to preschool) they see her scattered, she doesn’t draw the human figure. She is not concentrating. They assume that he will not be able to enter first grade next year. She misbehaves all the time. I don’t know what to do with it. It never obeys. She pretends not to listen. I hit him and he looks at me without crying. I can’t spend all day hitting him. When I lock her up she makes a mess. If I lock her in the bathroom she takes everything out and turns on the taps. If I lock her in the room she takes the clothes out of the closet. I already tried everything. I go crazy. Sometimes he would kill her. It exhausts me. I have no help. It’s so terrible that I can’t leave it to anyone. My mom gets tired of her. We are the two of us. We are together all day. I do not give more. I scream and hit him. I do not know what to do”.
Ana greets me effusively from the start, as if she knows me. Do you confuse the familiar and the strange? She opens her game box, takes everything out, opens my drawers and touches everything she finds. Ask what it is, whose it is, what it is for. At times she talks like a baby. She is run over, clumsy in her movements. The mother constantly yells at him.
She fluctuates between yelling at both of us to obey her quickly, giving us absurd orders, and saying, “I’m crazy, I’m stupid,” while throwing everything she finds to the ground.
Every mother exercises absolute power by opening paths of pleasure and displeasure, by giving meaning to her cries, movements, gestures, by determining what satisfactions are allowed. She says what the child needs, wants, feels. This, which allows the other to become more human, also implies the possibility of an excess of violence, of an extreme imposition of the maternal will, of an impossibility of recognizing that this other is someone different from her, someone who is shaping her own wishes.